Hello? Anybody out there?

Oh, hi. Didn't see you there.

Wow.

Will you look at that. How time flies when you're having fun. And by having fun, I of course mean "getting a 'proper' job, moving to a new city and acting like an 'adult'".

2011 seems to long ago. Why, now Australia has electricity and women can vote. What a country we live in.

 To the three people that still visit this page, hoping, pleading with their screen, smashing their face against the cold, hard keyboard for some weird dribble that comes out of this blog: you need more things with which to occupy your time...

Seriously, hi there and sorry for abandoning you.

But, did you know I have a Tumblr called somegirlcalledmel?

 It's pretty sweet. You should go there. I don't talk too much; I leave the talking to my gig as Features Writer for Sunday Style magazine. You should read that, too.

 And you know what? I might just stop by here more regularly now...

Why cats are fahreaking awesome

REVIEW: Bridesmaids (via CLEO.com.au)

Who knew chicks could be this funny? Well, girls did, but Bridesmaids has proved to the guys that the females can demand laughs just as much as the blokes.

Produced by Judd Apatow (Knocked Up, Funny People, Anchorman and The 40-year-old Virgin) and starring Saturday Night Live funny gals Kristen Wiig and Maya Rudolph, you know you're in for a laugh (or 415).

For the uninitiated, Bridesmaids centres around Annie (Wiig) who hates her job, has the housemates from hell and is infatuated with a guy who thinks of her as nothing more than a booty call. When her bestie, Lillian, becomes engaged, Anna realises her life is in the fast lane to nowhere. This is only exacerbated with the arrival of Helen (Rose Byrne), Lillian's perky new friend who is hell-bent on becoming maid of honour and stealing the BFF title from Annie.

Long story short, we're taken through the downward spiral of Annie's life, all while laughing hysterically. Kinda makes you feel a little bad, actually. Oh yeah, and there's a wedding thrown in there somewhere.

As soon as the film begins, though, you're giggling like a teenager, slapping your knee, shedding tears of laughter, and maybe even a little pee. Your boyfriend will be glad he let you drag him along to a "chick flick". This will continue for the entire duration of the film. Even when a "sad" moment is happening, you can hear muffled chuckles and nervous snorts in anticipation for something hilarious to happen.

Caution: Some scenes are not for the fainthearted. We're dealing with seasoned comediennes and a producer who isn't afraid to insert a whole scene of an eight-year-old sketching penises (remember Superbad?). If you are sensitive to:

• vomit;
• sex scenes;
• awkward anger outbursts; or
• public drunkenness

… Then you should probably get over your aversions and check this movie out. Sure, some scenes are a little stomach turning and at times you're not sure whether you should actually be laughing, but Bridesmaids is one of the funniest movies you will see all year. All next year perhaps, as well.

The only downside is the long scenes. At times you may find yourself thinking "okay, we get the idea, move along" and if you aren't a fan of dry, SNL-style humour, you might be a little slow on the uptake. This movie is like a two-hour SNL sketch, if you know what I'm on about, you'll understand the delayed silences, the improv acting and the comedic to-and-fro between the characters. If not, get acquainted. Quick sticks. This is a movie you don't want to miss.

Four-and-a-half out of five stars.

By Mel Evans

 

[published on cleo.com.au]

Are we really THAT bad?

Generation Y. We get a pretty bum rap.
Or do we?

"Selfish"."Lazy". "Spendthrift". "The best looking generation yet".

Bosses hate us. Old people hate us. We hate us.

Maybe not the last one, but what's so bad about Gen Y? We have a plethora of cute and cuddly aliases.Internet Generation. Echo Boomers. iGeneration. The MyPod Generation. The Millenials. What's NOT to love?!

Is it because Josh Thomas can never get any questions right on Talking About Your Generation?

(Generation) Why, Morgan Freeman, (Generation) why?!!

As a proud Gen Y-er, I Googled (because that's what us Gen Y krazy kats do. Also notice how Google is a noun) "Generation Y" to try and discover what exactly about us it is that ticks everyone off so much. Is it because we know how to use iPhones while Baby Boomers mash the touch screen? Is it because we are so ambitiously set on our dream career we aren't afraid to mention it in the job interview? Is it because we discovered there was no Santa before we were meant to?

According to this news story bosses dislike Gen Y because we are "short on skills, demanding, impatient and far-from loyal."

Hymph.

The 4.5 million of us in Australia are also constantly scouring for reassurance, it seems. Okay, I'm guilty of this. I admit it. Is it a crime I just want to know I'm doing something right? Yes, yes it is. Our ambition and need-to-know mindset puts us at a disadvantage when compared to our predecessor, Generation X.

HOWEVER, there is light at the end of the tunnel! When some say we are impatient, I like to say we are prompt, self-sufficient and reliable. These are enviable traits, surely. Evidence also shows we are more culturally aware (this is debatable. I'm thinking the low tolerance we have towards Muslims post 9/11), tech-savvy and socially adept.

I'd hate to think that a few  Gen Y-ers are letting down the team. Turn your grimaces and smirks into sensational smiles, say yes to everything instead of "You want me to do what?" and move out of home. We are the future, gosh darnit!

Now, to take my own advice

Pics: Josh Thomas: http://media.apnonline.com.au/img/media/images/2010/07/29/josh_thomas_290710_t325.jpg

Who's Hire A Gen-Y?: http://thegenyblogger.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/gen-y1.jpg

Generation Y: https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOGQjrJzVhK6MNRgW2POYaxtT4DL3K0eTK0a1WKY7ExZKy6xUGu4vvzK5t3hgZNJD-VTFzZo5B7pxSAq6FRBzmUYWquW1rffMiOVZaIMKYCT6oda3Ej0WoXYT42xMB_EKqdRYImYxeWJXJ/s400/generation+Y.bmp

Promoting healthy body image discovers a deeper issue

By MEL EVANS




MISS Universe 2004 is the Elephant Woman. Flawed with a dimple, creases and hips which accentuated her as a real woman.

Over 400, 000 readers feasted upon the February issue of Marie Claire ready to be entertained by another tantalising article about the successful Jennifer Hawkins. It appeared they were let down dismally. On first glance eyes were greeted by the model juxtaposed alongside words such as ‘revolutionary’ and ‘daring’ Fumble through the lustrous pages of the thick magazine, however, and the reader is soon transported to another dimension. A dimension where this glamazon beauty is not leading the cause for a body happy image but objectifying her own ‘defects’ and blemishes, much to the anger of those 485, 000 who buy Marie Claire on a monthly basis.

Social commentators reported passionately about the sheer tenacity of the ex-Newcastle Knights cheerleader to pose in such a context and illustrate her “flaws”. Marie Claire readers suggested the shoot contradicted the very foundation of promoting a healthy body image to those who were suffering their own image issues.

After all, Jennifer Hawkins has made her millions for looking good.

The backfire from this shoot was illustrious, prompting the magazine industry to swiftly defend its position as a healthy, body happy advocate for women across the nation. Very angry women, that upon scanning through the glossy pages of the monthly, were now turned off the idea of buying the March issue.

Women’s rights advocate Melinda Tankard Reist was one of these readers who upon sight of a naked Hawkins was deeply offended. Marie Claire’s attempt at capturing the figure, attitude and vitality of the real woman was lost on Reist, who believes the media at the time was attempting to depict a healthy body image. However, its endeavours were empty mantras.

“There is a contradiction involved… [they were] giving the appearance of social responsibility while not actually doing anything,” Reist said.

The sheer mention of the word “real” affects women. You can feel the shudder of disgust and the verbatim sigh that resonates deeply upon sight of the article shot in response to a nation-wide survey. The results of those 5500 surveyed illustrated that only 12 per cent were happy with their appearance. However instead of prompting women to feel inspired and engaged with the content, they were left isolated and angry.

Since the January debacle, many glossies have boldly followed in editor of Marie Claire’s footsteps. The Australian’s Women’s Weekly plastered a make-up free Sarah Murdoch front and centre and Madison magazine positioned naked radio personality Bianca Dye and pop star Tiffani Wood among their pages. Australian women did not react so malevolently this time round, instead embracing the bravado of these ladies who were truly classes as “real women”.

From what evidence do these editors know the formula of the ‘real woman’?

Professor Marikka Tiggemann from Flinders University’s School of Psychology is uncomfortable when presented with the ‘real woman’ as she attempted to illustrate her strong opinion of the media, with the slightest of trepidation. Tiggemann believes there is a culture of unrealistically portraying the female body. However, as many women and men will contradict wholeheartedly, this negative affect on body image is not just the media’s fault, but society’s.

“The models present unrealistic ideals, but people need to buy into them,” Tiggeman said. “It’s [the fault of] the articles in the magazines and those surrounding the magazines.”

It has been long suggested that the magazine industry plays a pivotal role in the issue of unhealthy body image, illuminating the tense atmosphere created through Hawkins’ naked pose, sandwiched between ads for mascara and girly cars.

With confidence the deputy editor of Dolly magazine Harriet Farkash, believes the blame should be placed on the advertisers.

“While we choose to put girls of all different sizes into our editorial pages we don’t have control over the ads that go in,” Farkash said.

Remorse is lost in the voice of this professional and successful magazine journalist, who over her years of working in the fabled glossy world has come across many a ‘real girl’ slogan.

“It’s an obvious issue when advertisers are trying to sell an aspirational image but choosing these ‘perfect’ models,” she said while imitating speech marks with her fingers.

It is blatantly obvious to readers of Marie Claire that Jennifer Hawkins embodies this exact notion of ‘perfect’ and the very mention of her a ‘real woman’ is offensive and depressive.

On the other hand, perhaps we are all ‘real women’.

Why travelling can suck- courtesy of Murrays and Lifehacker

And I should know, at the moment I spend roughly 7 hours on bus and about 4 hours on a train to reach my 3 internships. (Too many numbers in that sentence).

And i've discovered through my middle-class bus-setting across the Federal Highway and M5 that other.passengers.suck.

To someone else, i'm probably an annoying fellow passenger. The short smartarse that takes too long to move her bag for you to see how long you can hover above the spare seat or perhaps i'm the brat that when posed with a guy next to her seeking "ball space" will apparently automatically grow balls and assume the same wide-legged pose just to piss you off.

That's me. *cue cute grin*.

Seriously though, I think some people think just because i'm a girl/travelling by myself/ doing weird twitches to make it less likely someone will choose to sit next to me/ combination of all three that it's okay to be the seat-sharer from hell (or Canberra, most of the time).

I shouldn't find this my pet peeve as, well, i'm about 3 inches tall, but I LOATHE it when people recline their seats when they're not sleeping. Once I sat behind a super loved up couple (Awwwww) who both reclined their seat and were now basically making out in my lap. I was pretty much engaging in a forced threesome on a bus. (Ewwwww).

But when I came across this article I had a quiet chuckle to myself and thought thoughts like "I really need to give these a go", "Wow! What a genius!" and "Hmmm is yoghurt enough for lunch?" Please note that although these are designed for planes, i've already concocted how they can be transferred to demonic Murray's buses (i'll need another week or two for Greyhound).

Some of my favourite ways to "get even"* with passengers that are being less than accommodating involved:

Preventing a Passenger from Reclining Their Seat

There's hardly any room in coach/economy/peasant class on an airplane[Mel's note: or on a Murray's bus], so when the person in front of you reclines they're making that worse. You could recline to sort of take back some of your space, but it doesn't really help where it counts and then it makes the person behind you uncomfortable in exactly the same way you are uncomfortable.

Anyway, if you're willing to be a little evil you can easily prevent the seat in front of you from reclining... by using a water bottle. The trick is to simply apply pressure to the seat in front of you so it'll bounce back when it tries to recline. You'll need to keep your tray table open so you can place the water bottle on top of it so it pushes up against the spot right below the tray table latch (as pictured). You might need to put something under the water bottle to prop it up adequately, so come prepared. The downside of this trick is that you lose some of your tray table space and your tray table has to be open indefinitely, but that extra room should more than make up for it.

Of course, there are nicer ways to go about this. Often times you can ask politely and the person in front of you will put their seat back up. If that doesn't work, sometimes a bribe will. Offer to buy them a drink, food, or just give them $5. I've rarely seen people do this, but it's worked when they have. If it doesn't, at least you get to keep your $5.

[scandalous. scheming. schooling.]

Dealing With a Bad, Bad Passenger

There is no one way to handle an annoying passenger, but there are some simple guidelines. When you're forced into a situation with a passenger who is mean, rude, and downright inconsiderate, you'll get absolutely nowhere by getting into a pissing match with him or her [Mel's note:maybe not applicable to girl's who don't own a She Pee]. 

In many cases, having the flight attendants [or bus driver] on your side will help. If you can't resolve a given situation peacefully, call a flight attendant and ask for help. Explain the situation to the flight attendant calmly. If the bad passenger continues conducting him or herself angrily, you'll win the argument by simply being calm.

On a recent flight, I [Mel's note: not me, silly] had my bag under the seat in front of me like I always do. It's where your carry-on bags are supposed to go if they're small enough to fit. A 40-something man sat down in the seat in front of me and immediately began to throw a tantrum, yelling at me to move my bag. I was thrown off as I didn't realize he was talking to me at first, and the following conversation occurred:

Me: What bag?

Bad Man: The bag under my seat! You CANNOT put your bag under MY seat!

Me: Is it too far forward? Let me move it back a bit.

Bad Man: Take it out! It's MY seat! Your bag does not belong under MY seat!

Me: I'm sorry you're having trouble, but I'm allowed to have a bag under the seat in front of me and—

(Yes, I actually said this—my old customer support instincts kicked in. But I was interrupted.)

Bad Man: I WILL NOT BE TREATED LIKE CATTLE!

At this point the flight attendant came by and offered to take my bag and put it in the overhead until the plane took off. She told the man to calm down and gave me an apologetic look. Yes, this resolved the situation but the angry man was the one who got what he wanted despite being the asshole in this situation and I didn't feel that was right. When he reclined his seat after takeoff, invading my space like he insisted I was doing to him, I decided I'd had enough.

I sometimes pull faces like this to make people less likely to choose me as a seat buddy

I took a few minutes to calm down and figure out my options. Within a few minutes I realized the kid sitting next to me was traveling with two of his friends. I asked the kid if he wanted to sit with his friends and he said yes. I talked to his father and also convinced his father to switch seats so all three young boys could sit together. Where? In the row behind the bad passenger.

Before I switched seats, one of the kids thanked me for moving. I told him, "it's no problem, so long as you have fun." And they did, loudly and wildly. The boy behind the bad passenger kicked the seat throughout the flight. It was wonderful.

The moral of the story is this (if you can call this a story with a moral): if someone is mean to you for no good reason, don't be mean back. Instead, figure out how to make someone else enact your revenge.

So Murray's passengers on the trip back to the Berra tomorrow night...who's gonna put their seat back NOW, huh?! (Probably all 58 passengers).

What's YOUR worst travelling story?

[all tips and mildly humourous images sourced from lifehacker.com]

Smell  YOU later

x.

*This is soon turning into a crime blog

The importance of Soon.

OH! How it is important.

Some say that a cure for dandruff is important. Some day breakfast is important. Some even say that charging your mobile phone before setting off for a solo flight around the world in a focker friendship is important.

How wrong they are.

The Soon meme has surpassed all important things in the world and is now THE MOST important thing on earth. Is it because of it's sheer subtlety? Is it because of it's hilarity? It is because it's freezing outside?

Yes. Yes. Maybe.

Enjoy.

.x

retal ay llems