Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Why travelling can suck- courtesy of Murrays and Lifehacker

And I should know, at the moment I spend roughly 7 hours on bus and about 4 hours on a train to reach my 3 internships. (Too many numbers in that sentence).

And i've discovered through my middle-class bus-setting across the Federal Highway and M5 that other.passengers.suck.

To someone else, i'm probably an annoying fellow passenger. The short smartarse that takes too long to move her bag for you to see how long you can hover above the spare seat or perhaps i'm the brat that when posed with a guy next to her seeking "ball space" will apparently automatically grow balls and assume the same wide-legged pose just to piss you off.

That's me. *cue cute grin*.

Seriously though, I think some people think just because i'm a girl/travelling by myself/ doing weird twitches to make it less likely someone will choose to sit next to me/ combination of all three that it's okay to be the seat-sharer from hell (or Canberra, most of the time).

I shouldn't find this my pet peeve as, well, i'm about 3 inches tall, but I LOATHE it when people recline their seats when they're not sleeping. Once I sat behind a super loved up couple (Awwwww) who both reclined their seat and were now basically making out in my lap. I was pretty much engaging in a forced threesome on a bus. (Ewwwww).

But when I came across this article I had a quiet chuckle to myself and thought thoughts like "I really need to give these a go", "Wow! What a genius!" and "Hmmm is yoghurt enough for lunch?" Please note that although these are designed for planes, i've already concocted how they can be transferred to demonic Murray's buses (i'll need another week or two for Greyhound).

Some of my favourite ways to "get even"* with passengers that are being less than accommodating involved:


Preventing a Passenger from Reclining Their Seat

How to Lie, Cheat, and Steal Your Way to a Perfect FlightThere's hardly any room in coach/economy/peasant class on an airplane[Mel's note: or on a Murray's bus], so when the person in front of you reclines they're making that worse. You could recline to sort of take back some of your space, but it doesn't really help where it counts and then it makes the person behind you uncomfortable in exactly the same way you are uncomfortable.
Anyway, if you're willing to be a little evil you can easily prevent the seat in front of you from reclining... by using a water bottle. The trick is to simply apply pressure to the seat in front of you so it'll bounce back when it tries to recline. You'll need to keep your tray table open so you can place the water bottle on top of it so it pushes up against the spot right below the tray table latch (as pictured). You might need to put something under the water bottle to prop it up adequately, so come prepared. The downside of this trick is that you lose some of your tray table space and your tray table has to be open indefinitely, but that extra room should more than make up for it.
Of course, there are nicer ways to go about this. Often times you can ask politely and the person in front of you will put their seat back up. If that doesn't work, sometimes a bribe will. Offer to buy them a drink, food, or just give them $5. I've rarely seen people do this, but it's worked when they have. If it doesn't, at least you get to keep your $5.
[scandalous. scheming. schooling.]

Dealing With a Bad, Bad Passenger

There is no one way to handle an annoying passenger, but there are some simple guidelines. When you're forced into a situation with a passenger who is mean, rude, and downright inconsiderate, you'll get absolutely nowhere by getting into a pissing match with him or her [Mel's note:maybe not applicable to girl's who don't own a She Pee]. 
In many cases, having the flight attendants [or bus driver] on your side will help. If you can't resolve a given situation peacefully, call a flight attendant and ask for help. Explain the situation to the flight attendant calmly. If the bad passenger continues conducting him or herself angrily, you'll win the argument by simply being calm.
On a recent flight, I [Mel's note: not me, silly] had my bag under the seat in front of me like I always do. It's where your carry-on bags are supposed to go if they're small enough to fit. A 40-something man sat down in the seat in front of me and immediately began to throw a tantrum, yelling at me to move my bag. I was thrown off as I didn't realize he was talking to me at first, and the following conversation occurred:
Me: What bag?
Bad Man: The bag under my seat! You CANNOT put your bag under MY seat!
Me: Is it too far forward? Let me move it back a bit.
Bad Man: Take it out! It's MY seat! Your bag does not belong under MY seat!
Me: I'm sorry you're having trouble, but I'm allowed to have a bag under the seat in front of me and—
(Yes, I actually said this—my old customer support instincts kicked in. But I was interrupted.)
Bad Man: I WILL NOT BE TREATED LIKE CATTLE!
At this point the flight attendant came by and offered to take my bag and put it in the overhead until the plane took off. She told the man to calm down and gave me an apologetic look. Yes, this resolved the situation but the angry man was the one who got what he wanted despite being the asshole in this situation and I didn't feel that was right. When he reclined his seat after takeoff, invading my space like he insisted I was doing to him, I decided I'd had enough.
How to Lie, Cheat, and Steal Your Way to a Perfect Flight
I sometimes pull faces like this to make people less likely to choose me as a seat buddy
I took a few minutes to calm down and figure out my options. Within a few minutes I realized the kid sitting next to me was traveling with two of his friends. I asked the kid if he wanted to sit with his friends and he said yes. I talked to his father and also convinced his father to switch seats so all three young boys could sit together. Where? In the row behind the bad passenger.
Before I switched seats, one of the kids thanked me for moving. I told him, "it's no problem, so long as you have fun." And they did, loudly and wildly. The boy behind the bad passenger kicked the seat throughout the flight. It was wonderful.
The moral of the story is this (if you can call this a story with a moral): if someone is mean to you for no good reason, don't be mean back. Instead, figure out how to make someone else enact your revenge.


So Murray's passengers on the trip back to the Berra tomorrow night...who's gonna put their seat back NOW, huh?! (Probably all 58 passengers).

What's YOUR worst travelling story?

[all tips and mildly humourous images sourced from lifehacker.com]

Smell  YOU later
x.


*This is soon turning into a crime blog

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